Shine on.

Recently I celebrated a friend’s birthday. As the evening wore on, I grew tired and unfocused. A friend arrived late to the party. He seemed very focused and excited. Apparently his business deal went well. His light shone brightly. And I felt happy for him, not at all tired as I had been.

It had me thinking about how often we don’t share our “wins” with each other for fear that we will make others jealous or feel bad about their lot. Wow. Not only do we dim our light, we can’t see the light in others when we withhold. Sure, we risk the possible petty comments from others who might be dimming their light and hoping that they won’t be “called out”. Yet, in holding ourselves back, we don’t give those who are ready to risk, the option of seeing a pathway before them.

My daughter received a new car. She’s a responsible driver with more than average responsibility in her life. These rewards keep coming to her with things like a new job, a part in a community theater play, and one in an adult theater play, more accolades at school as she’s inducted into the Beta Club. The friends that she has who are supportive and happy for her “wins” will likely do well themselves. And those who are not, who find themselves lamenting all that they do NOT have, will create more lack in their lives.

Again, jealousy is a map to what you want. Notice where you encourage the light in others. Notice how the warmth of that encouragement lights YOUR fire. When you shine brightly for yourself and others, it will also show you where the shadows fall. Keep shining and move toward the light!!

keep on ...

Anyone who knows me well knows that I LOVE to dance! It’s also true that I’m not great at choreographed dancing or form dancing of any kind. I do my own thing. If it had to be perfect, I’d never get on the dance floor. And that would make me very unhappy.

Do you allow yourself to make mistakes? And when you do, what do you make of them? I once heard that Albert Einstein spilled milk as he was getting it out of the refrigerator. Instead of chastising him, his mother asked what he could “make out of it”. Whether or not this is a true story, it does illustrate that what looks like a mistake, can actually be an opportunity.

In the quote above, I believe my 4-year old was imitating her dance teacher. She didn’t exactly lose her shoe. She did forget a step and when asked what happened, she said, “If you lose your shoe, just keep on dancin’!” Many of us get stuck in the mistakes we make; seeing them as obstacles rather than opportunity. How freeing it becomes when we give ourselves permission to be human rather than to be some sort of perfect shell of a human.

Perfectionism is a social disease. It’s one that assures us that we will not accomplish much. When we worry so much about doing it “right”, we just don’t try. When we surround ourselves with backseat critics, we give up. Perfectionism is the antithesis of freedom and joy in creativity. So give yourself a break.

Creativity is messy. Life is messy. We lose our shoes. It’s what “we” do. Now we can turn around and cover it up, spending a great deal of time on our mistakes; or, we can simply go … oops! And “keep on dancin’”.

keep blooming

Consider this:

My personal experience is that Iʼve had more than a few friends die as a result of cancer
or heart attack or suicide or accidental death. They did not plan these things. Nor did
they plan FOR them. Yet, there were many things that never happened for them in their life for which they had hopes. Stop waiting!

Some wished to have children, some wished to marry, some wished to travel, others
wanted to write the next song. So, Iʼve been hiding myself. No more waiting for me.
Itʼs time, now.

Sure itʼs scary to risk your heart … again. Itʼs painful sometimes not to have enough
money to pay the bills. And believe me, when I see some of the women around me at
the beach, I want to hide those extra 10 lbs. and be afraid to come out of the water!
And Iʼve been nervous to introduce any new man in my life to my sixteen year old
daughter. She can handle it better than I can!

Donʼt wait. Donʼt hesitate. It only gets worse the longer you wait at the end of the high
dive! I know this. And yet, I also know the feeling of freedom as you explore a new
underwater reef or jump out of a perfectly good airplane. I havenʼt forgotten, itʼs simply
time to bloom again. Join me?

Jump in.

No kidding!

The possibility of a win win happens when love and acceptance for who you are, whatever you happen to be wearing, whoever you choose to associate with, behaving in the manner that you choose to behave.  Yes, there ARE laws about how we interact in civilized societies, yet the point here is to open up the doorways of acceptance and into loving each other.

I knew of a couple who were entertaining the idea that she would take a Leadership class.  He said to her, “If you take this class, you don’t love me.”  As preposterous as that sounds … to me … she decided to skip the class.

I ask you, “Did their relationship grow from that experience?”  The motivation for her, to grow and change died when she was threatened with the loss of her mate.  How often does this occur in relationships?

The bigger possibility for this couple would have been for her to take her class and still love her mate!  By playing to his insecurities, she limited them both.

So, because you love me, you will grow!  Now there’s a motivator for you!  Grow and go.

Many Moms will say this as they put yet another box in the attic.  “I must put this equipment, or these project supplies away just in case…” or, “I can’t part with [fill in the blank], it feels like I’m betraying my dead aunt, uncle, mom, dad…” or, “That was a gift from my third ex-wife and reminds me of a happy time.”

Stuff that we hold on to can soon define who we are.  It’s as if we choose certain items which anchor us to our pasts; we’re afraid that by moving forward, we’ll drift in the sea of life.  Sometimes, our “stuff” anchors us so strongly to our past, that we don’t feel a pull to our future.  Our future feels risky while our past feels comforting, comfortable.

Havens are meant to be places you return to once you’ve been “out” in the world.  And caves are for hibernating bears, not for humans to disappear into.

Sure, taking risks can be frightening.  In fact, generally, that’s the nature of risk-taking.  Yet, you grow stagnant, backward and rutty when nothing is hazarded.  There’s no conflict to spur growth, no chop to the sea, and you waste away.

What are you using to anchor yourself to your past?  What can you release today?

When I began to realize that there were new technologies that would truly please my parents, I introduced them with a preamble:  “Now I’m not going to get this for you if you don’t use it.”   The Kindle had been released yet you couldn’t download directly to it.  So, I waited and continued to tease my mother with statements like, “You’re going to love this.  It will make your life a lot easier” (She is an avid book reader.)

Finally, I ordered the second generation Kindle.  Apparently, her friend got HER Kindle first.  So, Mom developed a new and rare disease called, “Kindle envy”.  She began to ask ME when her Kindle was arriving.  The day came, and Mom and Kindle fell in love.  This happy occurance led to my father having “Kindle envy”.  My Mom gave him a Kindle for his birthday and they live happily together.

This one bit of technology led to further and further explorations by both my Mom and Dad.  While they are not tech-savvy, they are far from tech-illiterate.  We communicate and they are not lost in the technological rat race anymore.

Who can you introduce to technology today?

Looking at the most tangible examples, we see that the internet, TV, texting, digital phone, etc.  all serve to connect us.  And now, I have at least one skype or tango video call/week so people can SEE me!  Technology has allowed for quicker, more opportunity and faster communication than ever.

As we look at the scientific realm, we know that being in the same room with someone means that we share DNA.  Dreaded germs and viruses are additional “proof” of that unseen connection between us.

What is the purpose of this message?  It’s that you are not alone!  Someone else has felt the same joy; the same pain; experienced something similar.

Too often, we are instructed to act professional.  Educated in the fine art of corporate etiquette, we use customs and rituals to separate.  When this happens, we grow distant from the source of life; and often from the source of creative information.

Choose to deliberately connect today.  You never know the opportunities available for you unless you use your natural bridges.

There are two points that I want to make about that:

1)    Argue for your limitations and you will surely keep them.  In other words, turn off the voices.

2)   Request that you be allowed to grow and change in your relationships ie. request that others release your “history”.  Look forward.

When you argue for your limitations, or for the limitations of others, you create and focus on doubt.  When you focus on doubt; doubt grows.  When you focus on success;  success grows.  Try it.

Once you risk letting your relatives see you differently, as they WILL when you let them know that their “reminders” bother you, your request of them to not “hold you in your history” then requires YOU to do the same for them.  It may amuse you that the issue then becomes about you allowing THEM to change enough to honor your request!